Why can’t I be nicer to myself? I know many of us cannot be and that we mentally beat ourselves up all day long. Why can’t you have the same compassion for yourself that you would for a best friend or a stray dog? Why does positive self-talk make us so uncomfortable? Is the world going to hate you if you look in the mirror and like what you see in the reflection?
Last month on my personal Facebook page and two other of my pages, I asked my friends to give themselves a compliment. It could be about their looks, personality or even their job. Out of around 1,500 people, 20 responded from all three pages. That is pretty sad, isn’t it? Even if you take into account that FB isn’t showing all of your posts to your friends and fans — you can cut that number to half or even a quarter… Only twenty people were secure enough in themselves to say one nice thing about who they are.
I like that my writing has been helpful to others, I like my hair, boobs (!?!) and eyes and I love my curiosity.
And I have to tell you that was really difficult for me to do. It isn’t a female thing either because out of those brave 20, only three were men.
What did get mentioned was wonderful and made me so happy. They appreciated things like their sense of humor, being passionate and confident, from the curve of their hip to their capacity for caring about others. They could say that they loved a certain body part, their insight into others, their kindness and being a good mother. The sharing ranged from being happy that they are open to all types of people to the way they give hugs. It brought tears to my eyes when someone finally said that they love themselves. That was huge! And it was awesome to know they were glad to be gifted in helping to solve conflicts then to their ability in making others feel instantly comfortable and to the complete ownership of being a truly authentic person.
I thank each and every one that did me the honor of sharing all of this with me.
But it isn’t only that we have trouble being kind to ourselves — on top of that, we can be really mean too. For me personally, I don’t think anyone has ever talked to me as viciously as I do to myself. Sometimes, you can do it all day long and not even realize that you have been sabotaging yourself since you got out of bed. Becoming self-aware of all the negative thoughts that run through your mind on any particular day takes practice, but it is worth it.
How can we get it through our heads that we are who we are and there isn’t something wrong with us? How do you get to your truth? Do me a favor and watch this:
Now, tell me or at least tell yourself — what is right about you? Even better, get up and go to a mirror and really tell yourself what is right about you.
Become aware of your negativity and do whatever you have to do to turn it around into positive self-talk. Wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it each time you catch yourself being mean. Write yourself love notes and leave them around your home so you have reminders of all the beautiful and wonderful things that are right about you. Buddy up with a friend who shares a similar issue and make a commitment to help lift each other up throughout the day with texts and emails.
For now, be brave. Share with me what is beautiful about you and/or if you have any tips for bringing more self-compassion into your life.
xoxo ~ Melissa