Yes, I am saying it. I am fat. I don’t normally say that out loud. I do acknowledge to my family that I am not at a healthy weight, but I refrain from using the word fat in front of my children. I do not want them to learn to use that word as a description for other overweight people. But let’s face it, I am so NOT the skinny chick I used to be.
Growing to a point of self-acceptance while at the same time knowing you have to lose weight is not an easy balance to obtain. The goal is to lose weight and become healthier. And yet, if for some reason I am unable to lose the excess pounds, my goal should also be to know that I am beautiful inside and out no matter what size I am.
Sorry, I don’t have directions on how to do that.
I can share my journey as I go along and attempt to achieve that nirvana of healthy body/healthy mind, so that’s what I will do.
In the beginning of January, I joined Weight Watchers. My starting weight was 226 pounds. My first week went so well that I actually gained 2 pounds bringing me up to 228 and that was enough to push me into a size 20 for the first time of my life. I was now bigger than I was when I carried the twins. So, I did some shopping and tried not to get too down about it. I created baby steps for myself. I wasn’t ready to actually track my food and my health issues didn’t allow for exercise, but I could take one small step.
I stopped drinking soda.
That was huge for me!!! I had been basically drinking Coca-Cola 24/7. So, I expected the weight to just disappear magically as I drank water instead. Boy, was I disappointed. LOL It barely made a difference and I had to stave off disappointment once again.
My next baby step was to *close the kitchen* after 10pm to myself. I did that for one week and then brought it down to 9:30pm last week. Tonight, I’ll bring it down to 9pm. Baby steps and I’m down to 225 as of my last weigh-in.
I think the hardest part of being fat for me is that I am not used to it. I was pretty thin for the majority of my life. It wasn’t until I became really ill in my late 20s and had to go on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds that the weight mysteriously took over my body. I don’t know why they didn’t warn us back then. I hope it is because it was all still pretty new and not all the side-effects were that apparent. If I remember correctly, I gained 60 pounds my first two years on the meds. Almost 15 years later, I will still misjudge if there is enough room for me between the chair and the wall as I walk through the dining room.
My plan is to take a photo each week and post about my progress. Yeah… plans and I don’t always seem to work well together, but I am rather determined. Many of the health issues I have had to deal with over the last six months have been made worse because of me being overweight. Those issues will only expand if I don’t get it under control, so that is great motivation.
Thanks for reading!
xoxo ~ Melissa